Commandment X
Thou Shalt not be a Passive Parent

 
“If a permanent record were kept for parents like there is for students, how many absences would you have, mom and dad? Are you available and involved in your child’s life? If not, you’re raising a child doomed for difficulty….and you’re missing out on life’s treasures.”  Dr. Ed Young

These words may seem harsh but Tim and I have found them to be true. Parenting is tough work and there are so many opportunities for us to be involved in things that satisfy our desires. We can become indulgent in the things that give us personal pleasure such as hobbies, climbing the ladder of success at work, collections, TV shows, or personal “me” time. None of those things are bad if they are limited and we stay balanced in our family time. Parenting means personal sacrifice, but be encouraged…if you are willing to build the right stuff into their lives as they are growing up. It will mean you must make the daily sacrifice of yourself and your life. It’s those daily sacrifices that build a man out of your son and a woman out of your daughter.

Passive parents practice laissez-faire parenting and are reluctant to pay the high price of involvement. Possessive parents practice parenting by law and are often unwilling to make the sacrifices of genuine relationship. Participative parents practice parenting by grace. They know it took the Cross to win grace for humanity. They are willing to “take up their cross” and follow Christ in extending the elements of grace – love, patience, endurance – to their children.

 
Thou Shalt Have the Sex Talk with Thy Children

 
If you don’t teach your children about God’s gift of sex then our culture will. The sex educators of our children today are the media, the schools, and their peers. Without intentional, prayerful teaching from parents, our children will be left to absorb what the T.V. and their friends tell them about sex. We all know that without the real truth about pre-marital sex that our kids can be harmed for life from STD’s, unwanted pregnancy, poor self-image, absolute heartbreak, and even death. How can we turn the tide and make a difference in our children and their choices about their bodies?

Parents should ask God for help in this area even when their children are very young. As we communicate our love and God’s love to them, we begin to establish a great foundation for talking about anything. In the early years of life it is best to teach them a healthy respect for their own body. Young children should be taught that their body is a gift from God. As children are in the elementary years, they will begin to ask questions. Parents should explain reproduction and the basic facts of life appropriate for their age. It is important for parents to always be honest and tell the truth about sex. We should always satisfy the question knowing that too much information at a young age can cause anxiety in a child.

From ages 10-13 parents should cover the diverse changes that adolescents go through. These talks should become specific and focused. Difficult topics and terms come into these conversations. Kids really need understanding and lots of communication from parents who have “been there”. Be honest about your feelings of awkwardness during these years of change.

There are several books that Tim and I recommend that we used with our kids. I asked Tara to read and give me her opinion of several books like…I Kissed Dating Goodbye, The Ten Commandments of Dating, and Authentic Beauty. She read them all and we had many discussions about what God wanted for her now and in the future. Tim took Trey through a book called Preparing Your Son for Every Young Man’s Battle and it has really helped them be able to talk about the tough things a young man faces in today’s sexual culture. By the ages of 14-18 a clear discussion of dating and the pressures that come from being out with the opposite sex should be covered in detail. Young people do not have to follow the culture. Students can overcome temptation and live a life that is free from the bondage of sex before marriage. Pray now and pray often for God to direct you as you parent your children. There are so many great books to equip you to help your child navigate these years.