Love is the foundation of the Christian faith and it all began with God’s love for us. God withheld nothing from us, and He even gave His Son to die for our sins. “Love is patient and love is kind….” Love is the resource that we must draw from when we are faced with any difficult relational issue in our family. And the family is the garden where love grows and bears fruit. It’s important, then, for us to evaluate the quality and quantity of love we’ve sown into our children.

To establish your children in a strong, positive identity, first you must understand how they feel. A basic step to helping a child is to deal with his or her “perceptions”. James gives this counsel: “But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19). I think it is especially true for parents. Children will break your rules and your heart, but when you link with their feelings, a connection is established that makes healing a lot easier.

The second thing you can do to give your kids a healthy, positive identity is to help them feel secure. Unconditional love is the primary means of helping any child feel safe and protected. We should give our children heaps of grace. That’s the way Jesus Christ loves us. When we become childish and stray from His will, He does not use shame and the threat of rejection to discipline us. He listens to us and touches us with grace-acts of unexpected love that we do not deserve. Yes, the Lord, through the Holy Spirit, will discipline us when we sin. But it is always a dimension of his love.

Making a child feel significant is the third means of establishing a positive sense of identity in a youngster. We do this through praise. Putting their drawings on the refrigerator is an indirect way of conveying positive thoughts to our children. We need to speak our affirmations as well. Every child should hear from his or her parent, “Good job!”

Lastly, model faith for your children. Let them see you reading and studying your Bible. Praying as a family is key to modeling your faith. Go to church as a family on a regular basis. Let them see you lay out a request to God and continue to pray as a family until the answer comes. These disciplines are so important to the future of our children and our future generations. You may be thinking, I have already blown it. I haven’t done any of those things well. Be encouraged and begin now. It really does
matter. Your family is worth it!

*Portions borrowed from: The Ten Commandments of Parenting by Dr. Ed Young